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Club Ride Sunday 17th October
Quality Cappuchino

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Club Ride Sunday 10th October
Hill Climbing

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Club Ride Sunday 26th September
An Italian Flavour Without a Cappuchino

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Club Ride Sunday 5th September
Mist and Sun

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Club Ride Sunday 8th August
I wuz there!

One rider was stupid enough to rendezvous at Long Rock. On a rare Sunday without a race, a club ride seemed a good idea. The weather forecast was not good, but waking to the sound of no rain, I got up and made a cup of tea. Then the rain started. So I went back to bed. Then the rain stopped, so I got up again. The ride from Porthleven to Ashton was good. Warm and balmy with a following wind blowing me up the hill.

At Ashton the rain started. I thought it might stop again, and it was warm rain anyway. By the time I reached Marazion the rain had reached monsoon proportions. I did see another cyclist, heading in the opposite direction, but couldn't see who it was as the rain was too heavy!

Of course, when I reached the club hut no other bugger was stupid enough to have ventured out, so I turned round and went home. By this time, the road through Marazion was flooding, and in places I was riding through water up to my bottom bracket into a strong headwind. At least the rain was still warm. After a hot shower at home, the rain stopped for the rest of the day! [11/08/04]

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Club Ride Sunday 27th June
The Case of the Dwindling Peloton

Seven riders met at Long Rock on a morning that could not decide what they wanted to do. Everyone seemed to be a bit reluctant and so when John returned having refilled his water bottles we set off at a dawdle towards Crowlas.

7 become 6

The first incident of the day occurred at the roundabout on the A30 when Alan chose to dive over his handlebars and took the tarmac quite literally 'on the chin'. He looked a bit of a mess so I hope he cleaned himself up before Lyn saw him. It was only a short detour for us to deposit him home and we carried on towards Heamoor. By this time Rhys had experienced two angry buzzing things trapped in his helmet.

6 become 3 become 4???

John Butt turned back to St Ives as Richard forced the pace. Richard was impressing everyone with his strength especially on the climbs. There were comparisons made with villain of the week David Millar!! Chemistry courtesy of Laborotoir Garnier??? He and John have been putting in the miles in preparation for their Etape jaunt. This included completing the Dragon ride in South Wales. Richard turned off near Sancreed and appeared to take Steve Cox with him only for Steve to reappear 2 miles down the road.

4 down to 3

Steve's indecision must have added a good few miles to his total and as he got closer to Geevor and further from his native Falmouth he finally succumbed and turned East. It was around this stage of the ride that Bob turned Cipollini and started bagging primes through stealth or plain old fashioned local knowledge. Geevor mine cafe provided the trio with coffee and tea but no toast was forthcoming 'we are not that sort of place!!!' . Perhaps you should be. Unsatisfied we continued along the coast road (at its best on what was a lovely morning) Climbs came and went as we rode to Hayle via Lelant Downs. The Hayle prime again went to Bob after the sneakiest piece of stealth ever. A brief but challenging loop to of Hayle and back resulted in the worst excuse for a duff sprint when John was soundly beaten. 'The turning was too close to the line'. Thats a line Baden Cooke wont be using at the TdF.

We returned to Long Rock via St Erth after what turned out to be an excellent ride, especially given the weather forecast for the weekend.

PS watch out at Chiverton Cross roundabout there seems to be a permanent Dave Henderson there. 8.20 and 12.45?! [Rhys 27/06/04]

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Club Ride Sunday 13th June
A Blast from the Past

A warm sunny morning saw ten riders meet at the Institute, including St Ives celebrity and former star road racer of Choughs RC and Duchy Team Racing, John Butt. After a debate about likely candidates for a cafe stop, John suggested Kennack Sands as he knew the owner. But little did we know that he had ulterior motives.

With non-racers setting a brisk pace, we soon conquered MillPool, Godolphin, Nancegollan and Wendron. It was here that John Butt revealed his depth of racing experience and tactical cunning. After carefully dropping off the pace on the drag up to Wendron, he pretended not to see the bunch turn right for Gweek, and tried to slip quietly up the main road towards Redruth. Luckily we spotted him and soon had him back in tow.

For various reasons, none of which I know, only six riders remained as we left Gweek to head across Goonhilly Downs. The cafe at Kennack proved to be a very agreeable stop. But, horror of horrors, John Butt's friend who worked there, with whom he was hoping to cadge a lift back to St Ives, was not there! It's a long way back from Kennack to St Ives.

The climb out of Kennack proved to be quite testing with toast and cake on board, but we soon regrouped and headed back via Ruan Minor and Helston. John wisely decided to potter back at his own speed, there was some time trialing past Culdrose, Stuart and Rhys played Alpe d'Huez up to Sithney Common, where Stuart went home and Bob had the scent of Sunday lunch in his nostrils. That left Layton and me to watch Rhys playing Mont Ventoux up to Townshend, before a final dispersal at Goldsithney. [14/06/04]

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Club Ride Sunday 6th June
Sunshine, Cakes and Carbon Frames

Ten riders found themselves without a race, so had to find some way of killing a Sunday morning. Steve Lampier appeared on a flying visit from Pais Vasco, with reports that he managed to finish a race. The Cycle Logic boys turned up with their carbon frames, ready to give Rhys a pasting, but he didn't turn up. Obviously tapering his training for the PZW Road Champs next Saturday!

Ominously, Stuart chose the route, almost certainly resulting in a long wait for a cafe stop. Heading east, we trundled through familiar lanes to Godolphin, Nancegollan, Releath, Carnkie and Stithians. Thereafter, the route became a complete mystery to me and Mike, until we emerged at Four Lanes.

By the time we reached the cafe at Hell's Mouth there were only four of us fit enough to try the cakes. The carbon frames had all melted in the sun. The bunch split in Hayle. I struggled back to Heaven (Porthleven) with the old corroded alu frame still intact. [10/06/04]

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Club Ride Sunday 23rd May
Ride to the Land That PZW Forgot!

There are tales told of rides way back in the mists time when the sun shone upon the Cornish landscape and the once mighty PZW managed to ride for 2 hours without a cake stop, until Sunday I thought this the stuff of legend (like Andy's climbing ability), but I will now tell you a present day story that will be passed down through generations.

Last Sunday was such a day, generating a euphoria level only usual found with the help of Rizla and weed. A group of 10 riders amassed outside Long-Rock institute enjoying the balmy conditions, just for those with prêt-a-porter interests I wore my usual kit has supplied by the team sponsor www.cyclelogic.co.uk (the leading local supplier of quality cycling and triathlon equipment and sponsor of all local and national cycling events, open 9-5 mon thru sat, tel: 01326 561562). Also on the fashion front it was decided by Andy and myself that knee warmers are sooo gay, no man looks cool in sawn off tights, sorry its either leg warmers or shorts, nothing in between is acceptable.

Even before we left the hut one of the party 'Antipodean Pat' decided to follow a different route after Tonks suggested that we head to the mystical land of Coverack, a trip last taken by a PZWer during the great Stithney Cake famine of 1986.

The ride out took us through Trescowe (I think) up the drag to Bal, where Rhys called it a day due to a mystery illness, we continued onwards to Godolphin Cross and Carleen getting tantalizingly close to Mrs Doyles but we drove on ignoring the call of the cake. At Helston there were only 5 left after Grandad had departed having completed a mammoth 350 mile week. The ascent out of Helston was taken at a brisk pace, with John piling on the coals at the bottom of the climb, his tyres humming in their characteristically deafening tone and causing your narrator no little distress whilst trying to hold the wheel. The route wound on past Goonhilly towards St Keverne where John again applied the pressure by upping the pace by approx 15 mph, personally I think we should red card him next time he does that.

We were now into uncharted territory, not only way down south on the Lizard Peninsula but we had ridden for over 2 hours without a cake stop, as we descended down into Coverack Tonks decided it would be a good idea to rectify the latter at the bottom of the biggest bloody climb in the area. Thankfully, commonsense prevailed and he was briskly over-ruled before we tackled the hors category Col de Coverack, the climb which can at best be described as a 42 x 21 bitch took longer than anticipated due to Johns' expletives and Andy subsequently giggling his way to the top.

At this stage the promise of cake at Mrs Doyles, some 15 miles away, seemed an unachievable goal has we drove on towards Helston via Mullion and Poldhu, with Bob taking the final Cury sprint at a stroll and then promptly disappearing when we started through and off. Are you still out there Bob? The cake tasted even better in the sunshine because of the hunger built by the previous 60 mile ride even though certain individuals had been seen extracting sustenance through illegal food supplies secreted around their person during the ride, John appeared to be carrying a prototype for the Fortnum and Mason Sports Nutrition Hamper range. It was also good to see that the Café was also attended my Terry and Mrs T. Waters who claimed to have been there since 10 am.

The stop was followed by a rather uneventful ride back down through the lanes towards Marazion, the only point of note was Tonks glorious god-like ascent into Townsend, were he left all challengers scattered in his wake as he sprinted for the invisible sign.

In conclusion, a quite massive 80 miles in the bank and an afternoon kip on the sofa. [Stuart Pickering 25/05/04]

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Club Ride Sunday 16th May
Hot hot hot. And that's just our saddles.

Despite the lure of time-trialling, 9am saw an impressive turn out of riders at the clubhouse. The sun shining in the sky brought out an impressive array of shorts, all except Stuart, still dressed in his customary Skin 2 gear.

So, it was off though Marazion to Goldsithney, Rhys plugging off the front. Dave Morgan was hanging in gamely as the speeding peloton made its way down the descent to Millpool, thence to Godolphin.

With the sweat obscuring our vision we tackled the steady gradient to Carleen, turning left and making for the far-flung uplands of Black Rock. From here the route continued to Four Lanes, where a left turn was taken in order to enjoy the long descent into Redruth. Pinning back our ears, we soon reached the car-boot sale by the leisure centre. Next it was on to Park Bottom, past Tehidy and on to the top of Portreath.

With what breeze there was at our backs, the last few miles to the cafe stop at Hell's Mouth were covered at impressive speed. The tea was up to scratch, as was the cyclists tan-inducing ultra violet.

There then followed a short route home for Hayle and St.Ives residents, the rest heading back in the direction of Long Rock.

As I shall be 'enjoying' alpine climbs for the next 3 weeks, the club run needs a temporary captain. [Lloyd Peters 17/05/04]

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Club Ride Sunday 9th May
Anything to miss the club '25' champs!

Despite several Wheelers competing in the Club 25 championships, 9 riders assembled at Long Rock under blue skies (for a change). Good to see Tony Rowell making an appearance, and Ben Pochee - rapidly becoming an honorary member. Won't be long before we scam £6 out of him.

Setting out, it was through the lanes to St.Erth, where we turned back on ourselves for the short ride across the causeway, and into the Stepford wives country of Lelant saltings. It was then all uphill past the golf club, up the long drag of Laity lane, to emerge at the top at Balnoon. Methinks an overindulgence in the pies was accounting for Tony Rowell being temporarily off the back at this point. From here we made our way through Towednack and out to the coast road.

Should we believe Rhys when he tells us he's been 'off the bike for 5 weeks?' By the way he and Richard were tackling the climbs, I think we should take it with a hefty dose of salt. Agreeing to meet others at the caff, by Zennor the front group consisted of Rhys, Richard, Bob, Lloyd and Ben. This intrepid quintet forged on through Morvah and Pendeen, trying out their sprinting form at the signs.

Through Carnyorth and Botallack to St.Just, it was then the descent of Kelynack, past the airfield to Sennen. Here, a football-sized teapot of tea awaited Lloyd and Bob at the Little Barn cafe, the others making do with huge wedges of cake. After another succesful winter on the squash courts, Mike (sorry, forgot your second name) was re-acquanting himself with the ways of the bike and the ways of the cafe stop.

From here it was back through St Levan to Lamorna, Richard and Rhys continuing to press on the hills. The descent to Mousehole followed, and it was back into Newlyn and then along the front to Long Rock.

48 miles in all and good weather to boot. [Lloyd Peters 13/05/04]

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Club Ride Sunday 18th April
The Ride From Hell!

For the second week running I turned up at the Club House with spots of rain dampening the road. With many members away on road racing and time trial duties, I was pleased to see four riders waiting there.

After a quick consultation with Bob, we decided to go to Sennen, via Mousehole and then the along the coast road back home. We soon warmed up on the climbs out of Mousehole (thanks for waiting for me guys) and, ever the optimists, we decided that the skies were clearing and it would probably get warmer as we neared Land's End.

It did get hotter, but that was due to the climbs out of Lamorna and Porthcurno (thinks - are the Wheelers trying give me a heart attack and claim some life insurance money?), but, unfortunately, it had started to rain again, but, with Sennen in sight and the Airport Cafe not far away, it was no big deal.

At the cafe we had a good discussion about up coming rides, runs and triathlons and it was a wrench to leave and get back on the bikes, now under leaden skies. By the time we got to St Just it had started to rain quite hard and the temperature began to drop dramatically, but, undeterred, we pressed on. At probably the most exposed spot on the coast, Ian Jeffries thought it would be a good time to test his puncture repair skills, and finding that his spare tube was damaged as well, went through the procedure again. At this point we were all soaked to the skin and Bob thought it was time to put on his rain cape and head for home.

After getting Ian sorted we followed after him, through Trowednack to Nancledra, to Crowlas, where we split to go home.

Ben, if you are reading this, I hope you are OK, I was getting seriously worried about you. For your own good eat more cake ,if only for the insulation value. [Alan Jones 19/04/04]

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Alternative Club Ride Sunday 11th April
Vuelta de Ronda

On reflection, I'm certain that there is no way that the club ride back home was as sunny or as cold as this one! Sunny, because as usual there was hardly a cloud in the sky all day. Cold, because after overheating somewhat last week on a similar ride I set off at 8.00am with no leg or arm covering. It was only after leaving Ronda heading northwards on the main road, a 3-4 mile descent with my arms, legs and fingertips freezing painfully, that I noticed frost in the fields. Too late to turn back.

There then followed a 3-4 mile climb up to the Puerto de Montejaque, which allowed me to thaw out a little, but this was all undone when, on leaving the main road, the intense cold on the corresponding descent led me to question my sanity. However, by the time I'd skirted the lake and reached the Zahara Dam, the sun was higher in the sky, my limbs were thawing out, and I'd reached the main objective of the day - the 7 mile climb up to the Puerto de las Palomas (Col of the Doves) at about 4000 feet. For the first time today I did feel warm - 53 minutes climbing in 39 x 19.

Then a short descent and climb to the Puerto del Boyar, before a exhilerating snaking 10 mile descent on a perfect road surface to El Bosque. By this time I was seeing a few more cyclists toiling in the opposite direction, mainly Spanish, but all togged up! It was then south heading for Ubrique on a rolling road, before turning east on another 5 mile climb through Benaocaz and towards Grazalema.

It was at this stage that I came across a Spanish club ride just leaving a roadside cafe. Obviously sluggish from their coffee and cakes they seemed to be dawdling along rather slowly, but they were all young lads in racing strip, so I resisted the temptation to sweep past them. They weren't very communicative, but seemed quite happy for me to tag onto the back of the bunch. I was soon thankful that I hadn't overtaken them, as the pace began to increase and I was gasping for breath and struggling to hang on! At the Puerto de Montejaque, which I'd visited about 3 hours earlier on my way out, I was able to wave bye bye to them as they turned left and I turned right for the final descent and climb back to Ronda. A good ride of about 80 miles in just under 5 hours.

I was very impressed with Ronda as a base for cycling. There are lots of alternative routes, plenty of climbs and descents, most of the roads are quiet and very well surfaced, and the scenery is superb. Ronda itself is an interesting and friendly city, with a real Spanish 'feel'. There is a good and plentiful selection of accommodation, and thankfully the worst elements of English tourism remain down on the Costa.[20/04/04]

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Club Ride Sunday 11th April
Sithney Tea Rooms Now Open

While the usual Sunday Club Riders lay in bed saying "Oh, go on then! Just one more Easter egg before the fried breakfast", five hardcore riders had turned up at the Institute in the rain. They were two fully paid up members, two lapsed misers and a guest, Ben, down to stay with his Mum in St Ives.

After discussing various routes we took off past the heliport, through Gulval (for the first of many cat 1 cols of the day), up to Castle Gate to Nancledra, leading to Bone Valley and then on to Halsetown, past Lelant, over the causeway to St Erth.

At this point a great joy began to fill my heart, because, dear reader, we began to head in the direction of the Eldorado that is the now reopened Sithney Tea Rooms. Stuart had decided to tease us a little more by taking us along roads and lanes that Mike and I had never seen in a combined age of 104 years of living in Cornwall. But, eventually, we recognised the outskirts of Townsend and realised that we only had to travel through Godolphin to reach the oasis.

Jill and Trevor looked very good after their winter's hibernation and the shelves were bending under the quantity and variety of the cakes. Even the anorexic twins, Ellis and Pickering, succumbed to carrot cake, while Ben and Mike were amazed by the slice sizes. I went for the chocolate slice, which was excellent. After another pot of tea and a Bakewell tart for Stuart (Thinks! Is he after my Freewheel cup?), we got back on the bikes, now in sunshine, and with sugar and caffeine surging through our veins, we went back to Godolphin, attacked the climb to Great Works, through Germoe to St Hilary to go our separate ways. Stuart and Andy to Camborne, probably via Bristol to shed the calories.

A good ride was had by all. [Alan Jones 12/04/04]

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Club Ride Sunday 4th April
Report Required

Did anyone venture out this morning?

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Club Ride Sunday 28th March
Report Required

Was everyone racing, or did anyone do the club ride today?

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Club Ride Sunday 21st March
Winds, Gales and Tired Legs

Nine riders gathered at the Institute, most having raced the previous day. A shower sent us scuttling behind the hut for some shelter, and made that recently vacated warm bed seem very, very attractive - obviously too attractive for Lloyd, whose absence was noted!

The shower over, we trudged off into the wind. I was hoping everyone else's legs felt as tired as mine! The sun soon came out, the rain jackets came off, and the 'craic' started to flow. The route took us through Heamor to St Just Airport, a little detour to keep Stuart happy, and then a stop at the Geevor Mine cafe. Stuart and Andy carried on, Richard stopped but then had second thoughts, and the remaining six of us forced the cakes and coffee down.

Despite the temptations of the Zennor hills, Mike and Alan took the direct route home, which left Bob, Dave Morgan, John Morse and myself to enjoy the coastal scenery. The sun was still shining when we arrived at Hayle. Dave and John departed here. The wind blew Bob and me all the way back to Sithney. When is Spring going to start? [22/03/04]

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Club Ride Sunday 14th March
The Big Club Run With No Cafe Stop

Whilst the hardmen of West Cornwall were racing in North Devon I escaped my anti-biotic induced haze for the ride down to Long Rock looking forward to a rendezvous with los amigos of PZW. I left Carnhell Green under leaden skies heading for the meet, as I turned the Hayle round-about outside Lidl the heavens opened but I donned appropriate water-proof attire and drove on knowing that there would be a hearty welcome at the shed. Riding through St Erth my resolve was stretched as I battled against the elements but again I drove on reaching the architectural delights Long Rock Institute @ 9:01.

At first I thought it was either the dope or the fact the I couldn't see a bloody thing through my misted up Oakleys but shock, horror there was no-one there, not a single solitary soul. Blimey, I thought, as I nearly went off on one, no Grandad Dave not even Bob, those pair can always be counted on. My rejection fears were now running into overdrive, the buggers have left without me after all they are a punctual crowd so must have left @ 9 prompt, damn I missed them by no more than 60 seconds. The only thing to do was give chase, down on the drops I was pushing a massive 39x17 in pursuit but to no avail I still could not see the peloton ahead. Then the unthinkable dawned on me, maybe just maybe I'm the only one stupid enough to be out on a morning as foul as this.

I surged on safe in the knowledge that this was a mythical bonus ride, when you're out training whilst everyone else is slacking in bed. I rode up through Marizon, through Goldstitney, down the lanes to Godolphin and up to Stithney where I made the executive decision to call it quits and head home without a Café stop. Turning left at Hill-top garage on Stithney Common the full force of the wind was behind me forcing the 53 ring into play, at least it blew the rain off the end of nose (well I think it was rain, is rain green?).

Final result: a big 2 hours in the bank and the possibility of pnuemonia on top of my chest infection. [Stuart Pickering 15/03/04]

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Club Ride Sunday 7th March
Sunbathing in Porthleven

What a difference a week makes. Seven days before, ice and snow on the roads. This week, warm enough to sit outside at the caff.

Twelve riders gathered at the clubhouse, including Caroline, Terry Waters making a welcome appearance, and Ben (sorry, didn't get your second name) down from London and finding out what cycling's like without traffic lights.

The destination was Porthleven, but first there was the matter of a loop around the Penwith moors to be negotiated. Not so much a sting in the tail as a sting in the head. So, through Varfel, Gulval, up Try valley through Newbridge, to Gurnard's Head. Here, Terry and Caroline turned left for a shorter run, while the rest of us headed towards Zennor. With a short delay at the bottom of the climb to Eagle's Nest to deal with Ben's mechanical problem, it was on towards the Towednack junction. Making the turn, you could feel the brisk wind at your back, and it helped everyone along all the way down the valley to Crowlas. Not, however, before a short detour just past Nancledra to negotiate the ford. The cyclo-cross minded souls ploughed right through it, others took the footbridge.

Through Marazion, it was left and down the main road to St Hilary, then left to Millpool. The long climb up to Tregonning was next, the group splitting but regrouping at Ashton. Then came the long descent into Porthleven, where we sampled the delights of the Ice and Easy cafe (think that was the pun) ('Naughty But Ice' actually).

Any direction out of Porthleven is up, and the climb to Breage was a real grunt, especially with most people weighed down with apple pie. Only local knowledge allowed Stuart to bag a couple of village sign primes, while Richard stole a sneaky one at Carleen.

Then it was on to Townsend, where Dave and myself headed straight on for home, the remainder making their way back via Leedstown.

Mrs Miggins's: only 5 weeks and counting. [Lloyd 10/03/04]

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Club Ride Sunday 29th February
Softies Miss Out on Frostbite

Only eight riders ventured from their warm beds this morning. Frost and ice meant sticking to main roads as much as possible. Jo turned up again, together with fellow triathlete Caroline and the usual 'hardmen'.

We took a direct route to Hayle, along the main road, up the north coast past Hell's Mouth, through Portreath, and then to Mount Ambrose. Dave Henderson couldn't bear to stop and headed off towards the Lizard, the 'Camborne Cafe Police', Stuart and Andy, fresh from missing yesterday's final Springtime Pursuit, continued getting the miles in, and that left only five of us in the cafe.

A direct route back seemed wise, so we took in the old Redruth by-pass, the centre of Camborne and Connor Downs. Jo and Caroline detoured here, while Bob Richards Dave Morgan and I descended to Hayle, where Dave left us.

As the two of us sped along the Helston road, we passed Jo and Caroline coming in the opposite direction towards Hayle, getting some secret extra miles in perhaps? Luckily Bob was kind to my tired legs and we enjoyed the sunshine to Sithney Common. [29/02/04]

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Club Ride Sunday 22nd February
Saddle and Toast

Fourteen riders again, a biting cold northerly wind, dry roads, 'Capitain' Lloyd back from Barcelona, and John Payne taking a rest from head-banging with Martin Legg.

Into the icy wind, we trundled through St Erth, Hayle, Leedstown, Praze and Black Rock, with a brief stop for geriatric bladder activity. The exitement generated caused Andy Ellis to lose his saddle - could have been really nasty if you care to use your imagination. Limped through Four Lanes to Mount Ambrose, where Andy dived into Bike Chain to preserve his manhood and the rest of us clunked into the cafe.

Clearly a taste of racing has sharpened Rhys's appetite, because the size of his three slices of toast drew gasps of admiration. Could this be a future freewheel champion in the making?

Everything that followed was anti-climax, except for the following wind. The usual route back down the north coast, apart from an interesting diversion at the back of RAF Portreath. The climb out of Portreath opened a few gaps, then we had a couple of groups doing some 'through and off' down to Hell's Mouth, a few people gasping for breath, a regrouping through Gwithian, a pursuit in Hayle, followed by a dispersal to hot water, food and the rugby on TV. [23/02/04]

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Club Ride Sunday 15th February
Alan Jones Outwitted by Mystery Cafe Stop

With 'Capitain' Lloyd on a romantic weekend in Barcelona, it was left to me to rally the fourteen riders who met at Long Rock. Most of the usual culprits turned up, together with three guests from the triathlon world, which made Dave Morgan and Tony Rowell feel quite at home. (Sorry I didn't get to know your names, but if you let me know I can give you an honourable mention). The fine weather of the preceding week held good and we saw Cornwall at its best.

As we meandered through Goldsithney, Millpool, Godolphin and Sithney I resisted growing pressure to reveal the whereabouts of the cafe stop. As a result, Tony Rowell cracked and after some heavy breathing was last seen heading in the Camborne direction. Shortly after Coverack Bridges, we did some Paris-Roubaix training, 'dodging the dung', in the back lanes around Helston. Emerging at Flambards, we sped past Culdrose with tension mounting and increasingly wild speculation about the cafe stop.

As we passed Trellowarren, Alan Jones finally snapped. Seduced by lurid tales of beer and bikers and convinced that the Telstar Cafe was the secret destination, he sprinted triumphantly into the car park. The rest of us continued up the road to the Goonhilly Earth Station, where a team of dedicated staff were waiting to cater for our every need, apart from Andy Ellis and Dave Henderson, who decided to resist the siren temptations of the cappuchino machine.

On leaving the cafe, we did a circuit of Goonhilly Downs, taking in Ruan Minor. The surges up the hills became faster, but no one was left behind. I was keen to resume Paris-Roubaix in Porthleven, but this was rejected in favour of the main road climb up to Sithney Common. The Hayle contingent headed home from here, leaving the 'hard-core' to head back out westwards. [16/02/04]

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Club Ride Sunday 8th February
Freewheeling Champ Starts Serious Training

Spurred on by the good weather forecast, fifteen riders appeared from various directions. Steve Wedge made one of his occasional appearances from Exeter, John Morse made his debut after rejoining the club, Dave Morgan had his 'armadillo' tyres on, and Alan Jones started training for the freewheeling championships in November. The sun soon broke through and Lloyd, resplendent in his new PZW kit, set off determined to find a cafe that was open this week.

The route unfolded through Marazion, Ashton, Godolphin, Nancegollan, Clowance (where Steve Cox headed back to Falmouth), Carnhell Green and Connor Downs (where Dave Henderson and John Morse decided enough was enough). The rest of us descended into Gwithian, sampled the hill climb course, swooped down into Portreath, and arrived at the bikers' (motorised type) cafe at the budget/factory shop at Bridge. Stuart, Andy and Steve disappeared up the road, but after two weeks of enforced absence and withdrawal symptoms setting in, the remaining nine of us parked our bikes and ventured inside. Rhys Ellis-Davies consumed an unbelievable amount of toast, Steve Lampier fretted about his diet, and Alan Jones was relieved that I left the last piece of cake for him!

On leaving the cafe, Alan checked his heart monitor to make sure he was still alive, and we returned through Illogan, Tehidy, Treswithian, Penponds, Barriper, Reawla and Fraddam. Dave, Lloyd and Bob turned for home. Mike, Alan and Jon turned off at St Hilary, and after the final split at Goldsithney, I had to grovel in Steve Lampier's wheel back to Porthleven, while he insisted on trying to have a conversation. No respect for age and experience, these youngsters. Thank goodness he's going to Spain soon! [09/02/04]

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Club Ride Sunday 1st February
Cafe Disaster Again!

In spite of dire forecasts, the weather was kind to the ten riders who appeared at Long Rock. It was mild, the rain held off, and the wind didn't seem too bad, as long as you managed to follow the right wheel. I can't believe that Alan Jones didn't turn up because he thought that it might rain! Nobody objected to the idea of a traditional 'Tour de Penwith', so that's what we did.

First it was the back lanes through Gulval. First casualty was Dave Morgan, who punctured at Heamor. Then on to Mousehole via Newlyn. We were just enjoying the climb up to Paul, when Dave punctured again! This time we left him, but agreed meet him at the cafe stop at The Old Barn, near Land's End. Everyone thoroughly enjoyed the climb up Treen Hill, but heads dropped when we found the cafe was closed. Thwarted for the second week running! Dave Henderson decided to go home, and needless to say, we didn't manage to meet up with Dave Morgan.

Fortunately the 'Airport Cafe' was open, so with beaming faces we abandonned our bikes and piled inside. Showing iron discipline, Stuart, Andy and Bob elected to ride straight past, so they missed the superb fruit cake and the massage from the topless waitress!

Mike cracked the whip, the other Mike took the direct route home, and the remaining four of us set off again along the coast road in the direction of Zennor. At Pendeen, Mike opted to return across the moors, which left three of us to tackle the hills along the north coast. Lloyd showed a good turn of speed on the flat bits, and Rhys looked sprightly up the hills, while I provided the ballast at the back.

After delivering Lloyd to his front door at St Ives, the dynamic duo took the usual route through Lelant, St Erth and Marazion, although I did get rained upon on the last bit back to Porthleven. Perhaps Alan had the right idea after all! [01/02/04]

PS. Just to let you know that the three who did not stop on Sunday got back home without getting wet. I tell a lie I was wet as I laid back in the bath when the rain came. [Bob Richards 02/02/04]

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Club Ride Sunday 25th January
"I just want something hot inside me"

Fourteen riders assembled at Long Rock, including Steve Lampier, whose absence last week was apparently due to participation in an MTB race, rather than a disinclination to leave the confines of his bedroom (apologies for this malicious slur), and Steve Cox who has made a welcome reappearance this month.

Tempted by tales of scrumptious cakes and free chocolates, Lloyd was easily persuaded to plot a route to Mullion. So on a grey but relatively mild and windless morning, we wended our way through Marazion, Goldsithney, Leedstown and Nancegollan. Unfortunately Dave Henderson had to stop here, feeling unwell, and Stuart and Andy kindly stayed with him to make sure he was going to be able to get home.

As the ride unfolded, passing through Releath, Porkellis, Rame and Gweek, various riders peeled off for home (Tony Rowell, Steve Cox, Jason Pascoe), some already having cycled considerable distances before the start of the club ride. By devious route planning, Lloyd tried his hardest to to leave some of us stranded in the middle of nowhere, but the magnetic attraction of the cafe stop overcame these setbacks.

The remaining seven of us laboured up the hill out of Poldhu Cove consoling ourselves with thoughts of a warm cafe and caloriphic excesses, little realising that disaster was about to strike. The cafe was closed until 5th Feb! Lloyd was overwhelmed and let out an anguished cry, "I just want something hot inside me". We had to console ourselves with food and cold drinks standing outside the Spa shop in Mullion.

A short spell of drizzle did little to dampen our spirits, and we headed back to Helston (passing Jane Thurnell-Read going in the opposite direction) and Leedstown. Layton split for Camborne, Lloyd and Dave Morgan (with slow puncture) for Hayle/St Ives, and Bob Richards for Connor Downs. The remaining three of us flew down to Goldsithney in Rhys's slipstream before the blessed relief of Sunday papers and 'brunch'. [26/01/04]

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Club Ride Sunday 18th January

I counted thirteen stalwarts at Long Rock. It was a cold morning, but bright and sunny. I had noticed some ice on the back roads from Porthleven to Ashton on the way down. Steve Lampier should have turned up, but the lazy git must have stayed in bed!

After a mainly flat route through Marazion, Hayle, Connor Downs and Praze, the climb up to Black Rock came as a bit of a shock. But with Mike ruling with a an iron fist, the bunch was still intact. As we skirted Carnmenellis, heading for Stithians Reservoir, we hit a patch of black ice on a downhill stretch. Rhys was the unlucky one, succumbing to a 'chute', while the rest of us managed to slither to a halt without joining him. It looked serious at first, but he's obviously a hard man because he was soon sprinting for the hill 'primes' again.

With your web site editor back in the fold after a temporary absence last week, a coffee stop at the factory shop at Mount Ambrose was obligatory. Unfortunately three riders insisted on continuing, so risking severe penalties to be decided by the club committee on Monday night, as well as hell and damnation. As you can see from the photos, a good time was had by all in the cafe.

We returned by the now traditional north coast route. The usual grunt up Portreath hill was taken by Chris Opie, closely followed by Rhys. Numbers gradually dwindled as people headed home. Bob gave me a hard time on the way back from Marazion, but we both breathed a big sigh of relief when Chris decided to take a different route from us back to Truro![18/01/04]

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Club Ride Sunday 11th January

About 10 hopeful souls started out on what began as a very pleasant jaunt heading up through St Erth around the posh bit of Lelant. After heading upwards again the route finding then became a bit suck it and see? Stuart gave ample warning of a left turn only for the professional bike handling of Lampier and Opie to fail them as we headed uphill.

Both youngsters were looking strong and looking forward to leaving the country in the next few weeks. There was far too much talk of 100 mile rides being done as well as a ridiculous ride of Steve's that took him exclusively along the A30 to Chiverton Cross to Hayle back to Chivvy and then back to Hayle. Oh did I forget to mention the cloudburst that I can confirm he faced on this jaunt!!!

Come back Tony, there was not a single sign of a coffee stop, Camborne Wheelers Cafe Police were just too strong.

As we continued we started dropping people off, Mike turned for home just before a huge hailstorm. When we reached Longrock John Payne turned off as the youngsters headed off up to Camborne and beyond. Dave Morgan and I turned off at Hayle and I returned to Longrock to face the strongest headwind as I passed the windsurfers rigging up at Marazion.[Rhys 14/01/04]

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Club Ride Sunday 4th January

The first club ride of the New Year unfolded on a grey, but dry and windless morning, with temperatures warmer than recently and roads wet from yesterday's rain. Twelve riders gathered at Long Rock, including guest John Fazackerly from Truro CC. Despite Xmas excesses, Mike Tonkin was determined to slum it at Smokey/Greasy (can't remember which!) Joe's Cafe, so we headed off in that general direction.

So, it was back through Marazion, Plain-an-Gwarry, St Erth, Hayle, Leedstown, Horsedowns and up the 'hors' category climb through Crowan to Black Rock. By this stage Richard and Dave had turned for home. The survivors proceeded to the cafe via Nine Maidens, Carnmenellis, Stithians Reservoir, and Lanner Hill, despite frequent attempts by Stuart to direct us further away from our well-earned refreshments. Showing the iron will of dedicated 'roadies', Stuart and Andy declined the cafe stop and continued in an easterly direction, so leaving us 'testers' to inhale large amounts of cigarette smoke and see how the other half live!

For the route back, the idea of a sprint up Portreath hill was universally aclaimed, so eager not to disappoint we headed that way by the normal route. We passed Ian Guffick going in the opposite direction with naked legs. Minutes later he sped past us again up Portreath hill, this time going in the same direction! Some of us rose to the challenge, most notably Rhys, and put him in his place before the summit.

It was at this stage that Mike came up with the idea of holding the club free wheeling championships. As the defending champion, I though this very cunning - most club members being already eliminated because they didn't know it was happening! After a nail-biting tussle, Alan Jones emerged an emphatic winner. All his weight training over Xmas had clearly paid off, although Bob complained that if he had known in advance he would have increased his pudding and chocolate consumption as well. Thankfully, there was no drug testing, so we pottered back to Marazion, via St Erth, with two alternative routes through Hayle, before finally going our separate ways. [05/01/04]

Alternative club ride/Irish Blarney. On an overcast but dry day, I head out of Gorey in south east Ireland en route to Wexford. Studying the map, I decide to head inland on quiet roads. This means plenty of climbing and some distinctly dodgy road surfaces. At one point I'm descending, getting the teeth rattled out of my head, when, after hitting a particularly bad rut, my bars slip in the clamp with an awful noise. I freewheel to a halt with plenty of swearing. I straighten them up - good job I was carrying a Multi-Tool.

My sprinting prowess is severely tested the whole length of the ride by the numerous dogs that lie in wait for cyclists throughout the Irish countryside. Even when tethered by what look like battleship chains, they have me up out of the saddle giving it far too much welly than is comfortable for this (or any) time of the year.

A long rolling descent takes me into Enniscorthy. A beautifully positioned town on the banks of the river Slaney, it was the host town for the departure of stage 2 of the 1998 Tour de France. As the light is starting to fade rapidly, I decide to take the main (and most direct) road to Wexford. Well-surfaced and comparitively straight, I cover the remaining 21km in pretty good time, arriving at our friend's house to resume the consumption of Christmas cake, Tea and Quality Street. [Lloyd Peters 06/01/04]

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